Every Friday features a post from one of our pastor’s wives specifically for the women of Crossway Church.
For the past 2 months, my 2 youngest children have been having some serious sleep issues. Steve and I have had some very short (or long, depending on how you look at it!) nights. We’ve had coughs, throwing up, ear infections, and who-knows-what else to keep the little munchkins awake at all hours. One night last week was particularly bad. It was around 3:00 a.m. and I was awake for the 6th or 7th time. I was exhausted… and mad. My heart began to fill with all sorts of charges towards God. He was being very cruel to me, how could He think I could handle this much lack of sleep, didn’t He know how much I needed to get done that next day… and on and on…
When morning actually came around and I had to start my day, I began to feel bad for my attitude. How dare I charge God? I know He is always good to me, even in the midst of struggle. I realized that my attitude was wrong, but unfortunately with the conviction, some serious condemnation began to set in. Instead of going to God in conviction and repentance, I wallowed in my condemnation and I began to categorize my attitude as “crabby”. I had a good reason, right? I was tired. I was mad, but knew I shouldn’t be. And heck, I’m a pastor’s wife. I need to go to church in a few days. All these crazy thoughts were swimming in my head.
Thankfully sometime that morning (actually while I was brushing my teeth) I asked myself, “Where is the gospel here?” I had sinned against God in my anger towards him. But guess what: HE DIED FOR MY SIN. I need not carry the weight of my guilt. Instead of wallowing in my condemnation that morning, I actually had cause to rejoice!! Jesus had already paid the penalty for my self-righteous anger against God, and I was forgiven.
I’m sure most of us have heard the phrases, “preaching the gospel to yourself” or ”applying the gospel”. I have often written those activities off to being for people who were more “spiritual” or a little more theologically oriented than myself. But guess what folks, this is what the gospel is! In my little house, in my little world, I have reason to give amazing thanks to God for all that He has done for me. My attitude towards God that night was wrong. Sinful. Instead of “feeling bad” and “being crabby”, all I needed to do was run to my Savior with repentance. And I am free from my sin! What a life-transforming moment that was for me. The weight of condemnation is not the work of the Holy Spirit. The gospel sets us free from guilt, “feeling bad”, or pressure to perform. Thank you, Lord, for the truth and the power of your gospel.