God has been shining some light in the darkness of my heart lately. I love my husband dearly, but sadly I can be impatient towards his weaknesses. I find it difficult at times to keep on forgiving for the same stuff. I find it difficult at times to remain patient when I think there is a better way to do something. I find myself bitter at times when I can remember a list of all the wrong he has done.
Well, through the kindness of God (and I really feel His kindness through this) I have been sweetly broken. How? By the testimony of a woman I have never met, but highly respect. One day after having a quiet time and feeling God’s softening on my heart, I was reading through some blogs. I ended up on the pray for ian blog. Ian Murphy’s girlfriend, Larissa, had posted the following that day:
How can I stay in love with a man who hasn’t spoken to me in a year and a half? A man who can’t plan a special date for us, can’t tell me anything without me asking first, can’t challenge me, earn money for us, lead us in devotions or call me at work to see how my day is going. I don’t know how. I also don’t know how God still loves me, someone who has nothing to offer Him. But both have happened and have made my life infinitely better.
Tears just poured from my eyes. Wow! What grace is upon this woman to be lovingly devoted to man who cannot do so much as a shred of biblical manhood. Her words immediately put my situation into proper perspective. The little things I grow self-righteous over so easily really are little things, and most of them will change in due time. Most importantly, Larissa reminded me of the Lord’s love and patience towards me in my weak areas. In some major ways, I have been blind to the grace of God working in my husband.
So, that day I called Doug, and through many tears I asked for his forgiveness. I told him of all that God did in my heart that day, and I told him that I want him to know of my love and devotion at all times despite of his weaknesses. I want my voice to be one of grace and a recounting of God’s loving forgiveness to Doug and to my children. Praise God for His mercy and patience towards me!