With much joy and anticipation, on June 14th at 4:09 am, we welcomed Cianna Noelle into our family. (She was born on Pete’s mom’s birthday). What a journey the last nine months have been. Cianna means “God is gracious”. As I reflect over my pregnancy I am continually reminded, often with tears, that God is indeed gracious.
This being my fifth pregnancy, I anticipated a pretty smooth ride. I imagined that I might be little more tired, as I am a little older, but that was it. I did not anticipate any difficulty in the pregnancy, though. According to God’s wisdom and plan we did have some medical concerns. Nothing extremely major, yet we were provided with ample opportunity to trust God or to live in unbelief. Fear and anxiety were often in my peripheral view during this pregnancy. Scripture teaches us that worry won’t add anything to our lives -not even a single hour (Matt. 6:27). So why was it so easy for me to worry? I wanted to know the outcome without having to walk through the process of trusting the Lord with the unknown. I would think, “If she is going to be healthy and strong, than this is cake”. I could easily trust the Lord through a process like that. But the Lord did not assure me\us of my desired outcome. He did; however, provide grace enough for the moment, not for my imagination – but for the moment. He is trustworthy. His character can be trusted. So much of life is trusting God through the process; God’s goodness and character as the only guarantee. I imagine this is a life long lesson. No quick fix here.
I am so grateful that God, in His kindness, has allowed me/us to begin to learn to trust Him through “the process” of the unknown. During worship on Sunday I was greatly impacted by the song “Stand in Awe”. I was reminded of the many Sundays that I would be worshipping and praying for the baby’s health; not knowing what the Lord had in store for our future. Yet this Sunday was different. I was at church with our healthy baby in my arms. The God of the universe has all of my days numbered, knew our baby before she was formed in the womb, and has provided for my greatest need, salvation. God is truly gracious.